Each year I pick one word that I'm going to focus on for the year. At the beginning of the year, my word was vulnerable.
It. Totally. Sucked.
Vulnerability is painful! It's raw! It's emotional and it can tear you apart.
For the first five months of the year I focused on opening myself up. I had to share my emotions with people that didn't always deserve to know them. I had to let things truly effect me. I had to stop putting up a front that ultimately shut me down.
Like I said, it totally sucked.
After five months of this pain, I actually felt like I was making pretty positive strides, to the point that I changed my word of the year to worthy.
A seemingly less painful word.
Throughout May, June, and July I realized these two words went hand in hand. When I'm afraid to be vulnerable, that fear stems from some sort of shame or guilt that leads me to believe I am not worthy of the person in front of me, or forgiveness, or all that I have.
"When I'm afraid to be vulnerable, that fear stems from some sort of shame or guilt that leads me to believe I am not worthy."
This was an incredibly powerful thing for me to recognize, as I've always put on a pretty good front. Many would argue I'm egotistical, I was even told that in a work review once. Now, I know myself better than anyone, and I know that anytime someone is seeing "ego" I am really trying to hide my shame.
These learnings have been some of the most powerful self reflection I have ever had. As painful as they may be, I will continue to reflect on them. There will be many-a-blog-post to come about worthiness, vulnerability, and owning my story.
Something for all of us to look forward to ;)
And to end on a positive note, I'll share an incredibly viral video of my favorite author, Brené Brown, and her thoughts on the power of vulnerability.