I almost walked out of Church today

At church today, I was almost lost for good. I contemplated getting up and walking out. I shook my head in defiance. At the last second Andrew turned it around.

My notes from today have gone missing so the following is my recount without them.

"I have tasted life Nothing satisfies Like you do" - Josh Baldwin

Today's sermon was on Genesis 1. We are starting a series on promises.

Broken promises, weariness, emptiness, the answer is all found in Jesus. Or, at least that's what they tell me.

Genesis 1 is the creation story. After reading through the chapter Andrew started on a small rant about all the answers this story gives us. He stated, and I am not quoting as my notes are gone, something along the lines of this story solves a lot of the issues or arguments evil has given us.

"Atheism? Demolished. The whole chapter is on God."

"Humanism? Done. God created."

"Evolution? Gone. God created the heavens and the earth, he created all living creatures according to their kinds"

This rant lasted for a minute or so and this is where he lost me. Saying, "Atheism? Demolished. The whole chapter is on God." isn't an argument. You're not providing any evidence. You're just saying that you take His Word for what it is.

I sat there shaking my head, I was so close to getting up and leaving.

Finally he said "Don't get me wrong. This is a faith decision" and it made sense. He wasn't trying to make an argument. He was saying if you believe then you don't need to worry about anything else.

My first problem is making that faith decision. Do I believe? I'm waiting for the facts and he even said it today "no one is ever going to prove to you God exists. No one will ever prove he doesn't either." It's a decision made on faith.

What I have been battling recently is why I take one thing at face value and not another. I am pushing back on believing in God, I'm fighting every story, I actually feel an internal battle. As I reach The Case for Christ I realize I am struggling to believe Matthew, Mark, Luke and John wrote the first four books of the new Testaments. Why don't I believe that? For one, I didn't see it happen, I don't know anyone that did see it happen. I don't have any proof. You know what else I don't have proof of? I don't have proof that Margaret Atwood wrote the Handmaid's Tale. I didn't see her write it. I don't know someone that knows her that saw her write it. Why do I believe she wrote it? I just do.

That's the premises of all of this. You asked someone why they believe in God and at the core, the answer is "I just do." They felt, or saw, or heard something and they chose to believe that was an act of God.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I would argue it's a good thing. So how do I make it happen for me?

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